Pre-fifth week ramblings
Fifth week next week.
This quarter’s been way too fast, haven’t had nearly enough time to collect my thoughts. February! I love you, but I sure am not ready for you to be here.
Since returning to school, I’ve grown closer to my community. I have met many extraordinary new people and deepened my relationships with those I didn’t know as well. I definitely have my fair share of unique problems, but if there’s one thing I’ve always been blessed with is the people fate has sprinkled into my life. I was talking to a younger student last night about the nature of friendships in college. They’re more temporary, more fleeting. People walk in and out of your life, and it’s kind of expected to just enjoy whatever happens in the middle and not get too attached. Especially as a student leader, it’s often simply more efficient to have amicable, professional, but detached relationships.
I struggled with this my first two years of college. I had trouble adjusting to the more cursory, surface-level friendships characteristic of a fast-paced university. I’ve always valued deeper, genuine relationships with people, and it hurt to put in effort and open yourself up only for the other person to take advantage of you or not appreciate you. It’s embarrassing! You feel inferior and naive and almost violated, and you wonder why you let yourself get so invested in the first place. It’s a feeling I never want others to have. In the last three years, I’ve tried hard to make others feel accepted always.
Somehow, I’ve been able to meet like-minded people that, today, inspire me and support me on a daily basis. You’re only as good as the environment you surround yourself in, and mine is beautiful :) But now that I’m a third year, I can feel myself sinking into upperclassman comfort. When you stop going out and meeting new people, and just become complacent with the status quo. It’s a dangerous path I don’t want to fall into, and I’m thankful for AB because it forces me to constantly meet new people. The program itself is amazing, but the people it consists of is what does it for me :)
The reason why I’ve been thinking more about community ties and friendships and basic human interaction recently is because at the end of last month, a Revelle student passed away. It still bothers me. People refer(ed) to that event so crudely, without any reverence, without any thought as to what he had been going through and what his family is now going through. Life is hard, and it’s important not to invalidate others and to realize everyone is fighting a hard battle, no matter how “privileged” they seem to be or happy they appear on the outside. A lot of terrible things have been happening in the world lately, terrible things we are fortunate enough to be sheltered from. I am not saying “Wow, I’m finally awake” because that’s naive and that’s not what is happening—I’ve always tried to stay informed; there’s no on-off switch that floods truth into your life somehow. Rather, it’s been me trying to make a more conscious effort to step outside of this insulating bubble. I think everyone has a bubble to overcome, no matter if you’re at a high or low social standing, leading a privileged or painfully impoverished life.
We discussed this a little bit during our last AB Cusco meeting, after watching a documentary about indigenous farmers in the Andean Mountains of Peru. It also re-ignited the same rage and disappointment I felt in Indiana last year. How do you deal with these emotions? What can be done—what can YOU do? How is change even possible? How do you educate others? UCSD is a bubble of comfort. It’s safe, it’s sweet, it’s warm and snug and what I’m used to. At the same time, I sometimes feel disconnected as I emerge more and more out of Plato’s cave. I can’t unlearn what I’ve learned, and I’m not one to go running back to stick my head in the sand. To many, this may come across as young and idealistic and incredibly childish. But I honestly think the world needs more empathy. Searching for pain and suffering and understanding and truth is agonizing. It’s been knocking the wind out of me a little bit. But as I catch my breath and reflect more, each inhalation feels a little fuller and more natural. It’s agonizing, but it’s imperative.
